then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
