just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
