Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
