I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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