I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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