Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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