How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
