if only i could text you this smell
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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