It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
