it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize