I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
