Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
