i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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