he wants to bone in the snuggie
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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