There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
