If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
