3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
