Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize