The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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