You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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