thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
