I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
