...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
