I'm so fucking centered right now
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
