just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
