Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
