I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
