my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
