I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
