ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm always down for nudity.
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