You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
