sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
