Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
