Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
