Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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