Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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