i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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