Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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