I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
