It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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