We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize