Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
