i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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