Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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