do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
