You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
