So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
