Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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