Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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