I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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