Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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