I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
