i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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