dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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