your thong is hanging out like whoa
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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