Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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