So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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