What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
That's how pantless uber rides happen
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
