but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
