we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
