so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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