You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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