I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
