Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
