I could make wine with my vomit
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
