Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
