I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
