I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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