Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
