So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
