I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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