Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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